As much as I enjoy the full moon…there is a special magic and energy to the new moon-it’s the part of the cycle when we begin to create, to look to our dreams and see the potential in front of us- connect to our inner world and ask for the things that we really want from our lives…to sit still in the darkness, embrace shadows, recalibrate, to adjust and embody, a time to manifest-remembering that anything is possible…and with this new moon and spring equinox this weekend the owl -able to see and navigate in the dark, move by listening and intuition, symbol of spiritual wisdom and spiritual truth…it actually has asymmetrical ears, one higher than the other -this speaks to the power to listen at all levels – above and below -it can integrate what it hears above and below-symbolically receive messages from the Heavens and the Earth -this little barn owl seemed like an appropriate subject for today’s “lunchtime mini” painting I do on my lunch breaks -set a new moon affirmation or intention for yourself…
Rainy day…woke up to torrential rain and enjoying the sounds of it but not feeling inclined for leaving the warm coziness of my house (had planned a hike), or for that matter, my bed…it’s 430ish in the morning and my brain won’t turn off as an idea -an INSPIRATION “bubbles” in my consciousness…was trying to figure out how to capture the bubbles which will be very tiny in a painting I started yesterday…
…it’s a woman blowing bubbles in the tulips… and I realized that you wouldn’t really be able to see the bubbles very well because -she’s small in scale and proportion for the picture and so were the bubbles….I actually took this picture a couple years ago in the tulip fields, just loved the solitary figure amongst the tulips and then when I got it home and enlarged it, I was like “oh my gosh, she’s blowing bubbles!!!😃” I could actually see the bubbles floating and drifting away … so I think what I’m going to do is make some giant bubbles in the forefront so that you’re looking at the whole picture through the playful view of bubbles…HENCE I had to get up and practice the bubbles …at 430 in the morning 🙄🤷🏼♀️ DONT YOU JUST LOVE a rainy day??? So excited for this…a few more details then the “bubbles” (either going to destroy this fairly decent picture or turn out so FUN!!!) GET INSPIRED…(I’ll of course share the end result…if you never see it again? 🤷🏼♀️😂well I guess you could surmise it was utter destruction …
feeling “slightly bubbly”? Like a glass of prosecco left out too long?? I mean I don’t totally dislike it??? (Same with that glass of prosecco 😉) well practice, practice, practice…I DO like the idea though…might attempt it again at a later date
…floating among the lilies in my kayak, if I stay still long enough the pond begins to forget I’m there…there have been more than one occasion, however, when I encounter the great blue heron soaking up the warmth of the sun, standing balanced on one leg in the still water, peacefully indulging in the solitude of the moment surrounded by water lilies in her private nature spa…as I drifted into view catching her attention she gives me a very seemingly annoyed “side-eye” waits a moment or two then flaps her great wings, lifts off in flight and lets out a prehistoric and loud sounding squawking…I have to admit I reflect feeling a bit guilty of interrupting her peace and feel a bit rude…and think -it’s really about honoring space…learning to do the same
some days are for healing
some days are for blooming
and some days…are for not being disturbed
I took quite a few photos that day and have spent the past couple months feeling creative in my life again…painting…thought I’d get attempt to a couple paintings with them… here are a few I’ve done recently…
Feeling courageous… Striving for simplicity and not getting caught up in details and minutiae…I giggle as I sit here struggling to achieve that with another attempt at Fauvism -not sure why I am so intrigued by this style?…maybe because if done correctly (actually not sure there is a “correct” way?) it is amazing in its simplicity and imperfection? Perfect imperfection…exactly how I have lived my life, when I couldn’t wait for “perfect”, when I lacked confidence, I just kept moving with gentle courage…and usually it turned out much better than I could have anticipated…not sure about these particular paintings though?🤔🤨 I still catch myself getting caught up in the minutiae and detail that really doesn’t matter in stead of a more simple version…BE SIMPLY COURAGEOUS …it doesn’t have to be perfect… Just to recap-fauvism-simplified shapes, distortion, bright, strong, color, unrealistic – more representational and impressionistic Post note: I sat thinking about this some more and reframed my apparent failure at attempting simplicity (as I have recently in my life as well)… “I try to live simply… and yet I still get caught up.” But here’s the reframe:
I don’t complicate life.
I care about it.
I notice things. I feel deeply. I attend to detail. I don’t skim the surface of anything.
That’s not failure at simplicity.
That’s DEPTH…layers in my life…I set out to paint bold, wild, simple Fauvism…
…and ended up layering detail, texture, nuance… BUT creative in my authenticity?? 🤷🏼♀️😬🙄 lol…another heron I attempted from a photo this past autumn at a friend’s pond…the backdrop fall foliage was ablaze with spectacular color…
Ok, well now that “heaviness” is out there, I can share more of the “me” I have become, and what I consider my very abundant life…I sit and ponder in awe of my colossal ego in thinking that I have stories or a life worth sharing with others….in a world that seems set on self destruction, full of daily heartache and strife…but knowing we are more alike than we are different, we laugh, we cry, we aspire, we hope, we love our children and our families, experience stress, doubt, fear and profoundly we all bleed, that there are others out there who are suffering, have experienced nightmares and horrors in life at this current moment, beyond what I can even imagine, is humbling…but I am inspired and encouraged by whatever unseen Spirit, or inspiration to share my “story”…to share my words so I will.
Our experiences in life our unique, and subject to history, our context/reality, and our perspectives so I would never be arrogant enough to say “I know how you feel” to another who has also lost a spouse, a child or had similar experiences, who can boast they know someone else’s “feelings”? BUT I also have been “forged in fire”, overcome many hardships and obstacles, suffered lack in my life, so can say with genuine authenticity I have empathy and compassion can “hold space’ for another. The more I healed and found “safety” in myself, dealt with shadow making peace with it, “freed myself”, the lighter I became-started living a life I wanted for myself.
I have always been a bit “cheeky”, playful, a bit sardonic more than the cutting sarcasm I could, if required pull out and use only when necessary, (find it really has no good place in communication and a healthy relationship -my humble opinion), but a healthy sense of humor, (I admit sometimes in appropriate-or so deemed by others-eye roll here, as I am unconcerned by what others conclude) I have always had and humor has been some “good medicine” for me…sometimes you just have to laugh at life’s situations, even when faced with trauma – a good belly laugh can have you in tears, and tears of any kind can be a healthy release. I realized early on, we have such a preciously finite time in this present existence. With this in mind, I also want to start sharing the amazing abundance I also have encountered, manifested into my life in realizing that TODAY is my “someday”.
So will also be including some travel experiences, family stories,- the AMAZING LEGACY of my children and grandchildren, the wisdom and healing I have learned from a child, from pets, nature (of yes! look around you, there are “masters” everywhere, if you are observant, listen with soul and heart) personal triumphant moments and realizations and some of the art I am now creating from this “creative phase” I am now experiencing in my life…and coincidentally (ha-I do not believe in coincidence) am experiencing in this Year of the Fire Horse, as I am embodying the lessons of this lifetime…
Not long after my children all graduated and had begun life adventures of their own, having always wanting to learn to sail (a dream since childhood, fascination with pirate movies) and also desiring to be in closer in proximity to an airport, decided to relocate. I had just made the decision to try a new avenue of nursing, one that was a bit less physical but still required specialization and critical thinking, thought how “nice it would be to have a job I could do remotely from home and time to actually travel, sail and kayak. When I have an inspired idea, I put the energy into taking a step toward it, and believe the universe provides opportunity, – POOF there it was -my “perfect” job situation, advertised, -had hoped for, but realizing I lacked some of the qualifications for…I have always told my children to practice the concept/mind thought of “not limiting yourself-put it out there…let them be the ones to tell you no-but do not be the one to limit yourself” so I applied…what’s the worst that could happen? …within a day I had a call for an interview within the week an offer of a new job in Portland area. So here I am…residing 15 minutes (without traffic) away from the airport, and if I save and budget-(drink my coffees at home vs expensive coffees out) and live very simply (and happily) can afford a couple short trips a year. I began solo traveling, deciding not to wait a “perfect, or idealized” partner, lover, friend. Last year I had the amazing experience of enjoying Amsterdam, Scotland and the British Virgin Islands sailing. WOW Scotland-it captivated my heart, and soul, so think I will share a few of my experiences and Facebook travel Journal posts. Just a short one to start, as this has already gotten a bit away from me.
The admirable “Highland Coo”
One of my favorite moments of the trip was getting to spend time with some of these shaggy sweet faced critters full of personality. Highland cows, or as they are fondly called by locals, “Highland Coos” are definitely one of the most iconic and photographed highlights of the Scottish Highlands.
Highland cows aren’t just your average cows, they are as much a part of the Scottish landscape as the heathered rolling hills and lochs, their long, shaggy coats, sweet dispositions and huge expressive eyes (if you can find them under their shaggy locks) and impressive horns, they’re not only incredibly cute, and adorable they’re also hardy and RESILIENT – true symbols of the Scottish spirit!
They were actually bred to “pack” and to pull as their build is hearty and does well in the bogs and terrain. Hearty to survive the harsh conditions of the Scottish Highlands, these cows have developed a robustness that is admirable. They are capable of enduring cold, wet climates and can thrive in environments that would be challenging for other breeds.
Their resilience is only out done by their intelligence as they are quick to learn and can remember faces and routines. Their gentleness and curiosity leads them to be natural explorers of their surroundings- they are approachable, form bonds with humans.
We had the opportunity to visit a small working croft (a farm) to learn more about them and bonus feed a couple lambs! Lady Jane was in the pasture ready to deliver any minute (seriously) and we were hopeful of sharing the experience but alas she did not🙄🫤but here are a few of the other “coos” …Morgana, Flora and a few others I didn’t get the names of…
Recap:
Resilience
Intelligent
Gentle
Curiosity…and a precocious sense of humor-apparently
Where do I start? How far back do I go? at what point, and what parts of my life, my timeline do I share? Do I go back to my “before” in deciding to experience these experiences in THIS lifetime? To my contract in saying “Yes, I can break these Karmic cycles? Yes, I will remember my divinity, my light and if I do forget it…I will FIND it again? Yes, I am strong enough” I will share in pieces/chapters that communicate the full extent of the journey and healing I have evolved through, because that is what this is-an evolution of soul work and BECOMING of REMEMBERING my Divinity, my LIGHT, achieving peace, joy, abundance-the healers journey – a healer can’t heal a wound they haven’t felt, to have true empathy, compassion and to be an alchemist of pain, I have experienced lifetimes in one.
Here is a reflection about the woman who walked beside me in some of the most difficult periods of my life- a piece I wrote in one of my “shadow” reflective moments-writing, being creative is a way of taking my pain and turning it towards power and potency of owning a moment, practice coming back to myself, being mindful and staying in a present moment-it also serves to process thoughts, emotions-just free writing, no judgement -hoping you will offer me the same grace I offer myself in creativity…no judgement (it’s pretty raw and exposing)
Photo by Denise Lipscomb- Shining Through the Storm Clouds
She
She was there in childhood, when I was hurt, confused, and scared. When what should have been unconditional love was punctuated by inconsistency, cruelty and severity. Painful welts from a belt, a hairbrush, a dolly-a child’s toy (ironic?) were used as weapons in anger and frustration against the tender flesh and spirit of a child. When cruel words, narcissistic behaviors inflicted deeper wounds and damage to spirit than the ones to flesh…
She was there in the dark hours of guilt, and shame, when depression clawed at my arm trying to pull me further into it’s embrace, when the word “NO” fell on uncaring, cruel ears, and became a whimper as my body fell victim to the willfulness of another…when “NO” and “stop” went unheard- only echoed as a silent scream in my head.
She was there in the darkness, when again my world was shattered, BLEAK, and numb when DEATH clenched at my heart, not once, but twice in a short space of time, when beautiful new life met heartbreaking loss, passing each other in the space of a few hours—a witness to joy and grief being able to sit in the same room-leaving the world feeling confusing and unsafe, as I attempted to deep breath in what felt like an airless space… She was there holding me tightly in the night, as silent tears of a mother, and a few years later as a widow, ran down my face soaking my pillow and the grief in my heart almost unbearable…She never left my side…
She was there, took my hand each morning, encouraging me out of bed and whispered in my ear in a voice I could feel reverberating in my soul, “don’t give up, you have LIVING to do -let’s laugh, let’s play”
She was there lending her strength and courage to me in the decision to walk away from an unhealthy relationship, when I recognized I was a co dependent participant in a relationship whose cycle of abuse needed to be ended …my heart torn and bruised, surely more than the healing ones on my body…and more lasting…trust shattered.
She was there with her smile, helping me back up to my knees, and then somehow back to my feet, helping me to find strength in stillness until I could put one foot in front of another…to stay present and in the moment-to live life one small smile to another
She was there “holding space” and had FAITH for me, the light that remained faintly illuminating the corners and places of my own dark thoughts, fears and pain, she was there and showed me a way to navigate through, how to shift my perspective, to gain more light, to fuel that light with dance, music, making choices that led to the bright light of a new day…to finding, choosing small joys in a laugh, a giggle, a hug, to believe, to let go the things I could not control
She was there and took my hand, gently showed me how to offer grace and forgiveness- It was she during moments of sheer exhaustion and hopelessness, that whispered words and affirmations, of encouragement, of HOPE, as I continued to heal, and REMEMBER, to recognize my blessings, to find solace and peace in nature, the warmth of sunshine on my skin, the sound of water and bird song, to CREATE, to BREATHE, as I realized I’d been holding my breath for so long, conquered one small fear after another, to reach out to others, release what didn’t align with my soul and didn’t deserve space in my heart
She was there reminding me how to laugh, how to have fun, to be playful, it was she who reminded me the power of a hug, a touch, kind words, the joy in simple activities, the abundance in my life, how to love fully with an open heart
She was there all this time, has been and never deserted me…
Now I stand here, and as I look in the mirror seeing the strands of gray throughout my highlighted hair, with laugh lines around my eyes, a smile on my face, AND in my heart, a twinkle of light in my eyes, – a PEACE in my soul… I realize and admire her for
Her courage,
Her resilience,
Her stubbornness,
Her compassion, she showed for herself, for others, her kindness, her strength in remaining “soft”…determination, her FAITH and the gentle nature, she somehow clung to and did not abandon… I stand in AWE and acknowledge that SHE was ME and always has been…how far she has come to be ME
In Light,✨
Denise
Post Note: I must make note and acknowledge that during all this time of pain, and grief there were others also affected by the very same incident, acknowledge this egocentric point of voice and realizing it was never solely myself walking through the shadow, there were my children, brothers, sisters, cousins, friends, community a web of interconnection…we forget at times that others also are suffering as well-it is like throwing a stone in undisturbed waters of a pond, it ripples out upon the surface, and in all directions not just at a surface level but also below, affecting all parts of that pond in some manner. Sometimes we are just too caught up in our own emotion to notice or be aware of everyone else’s…I did (mostly)and it influenced most of my choices. This is also their journey and I hope that the parts I do share, are done so with compassion, and understanding but please recognize it is from “my truth”, theirs of course will be different (we all perceive things differently). I can also say that there was happiness, and light in my days, I did not want to diminish this, especially with my children- they are who I lived for, they were/are my WHOLE LIFE. Life. Death. Light. Dark. The yin-yang, of life-balance of polarity, it is a dynamic interdependence, interconnection, but most importantly for me, in recognition, throughout it all, there has always been LOVE and it is that one thing-LOVE that was the most important…in the end that is all there is.
I love to kayak on the lake nearby, early mornings or late afternoon, when the sunlight seems to glitter and skip across the surface of the water. I often paddle to the edge of the lilies and sit floating among them. If I stay long enough, the lake begins to forget that I am there as dragonflies dart around me, occasionally landing on my paddle or bow of the kayak. Ladybugs rest on my arm and tickle as they crawl across my skin. The Great Blue Heron sometimes settles in the reeds and grasses at the edge of the lake with regal stature, and haughty seeming observation. An osprey above circling in search of his next meal. In those moments, I’m not watching nature. I’m part of it. It’s in those moments of stillness, the “resting” period from the activity of paddling, watching the gentle sway of the water lilies in the water I realized how much a metaphor for my life they were. Stillness, reflection, patience, rising and allowing beauty to exist without forcing it-resilience.
I wrote a poem (of sorts)from this experience and some of the photos I took that day. I hope you find some joy in them.
With Light✨
Denise
Patience in bloom
From the depths of the murky bottom, anchored in the mud,
it reaches through the water towards the light of the sun…
Living Simply. Loving Deeply. Rising Gently-with Authenticity
Just Life With Denise -Why This Space Exists
There was a season in my life when I was simply surviving.
Breathing felt impossible and heavy.
Grief sat beside me, draped a heavy arm across my shoulders, around my heart, like a wool cape, insulated in a constant heaviness that became my companion…restricting my motion.
Responsibility did not pause for my sorrow.
I have walked through darkness. I have buried people I love deeply, a son, a husband, a father.
I have stood at hospital bedsides as new life entered the world, holding precious life as I handed it to waiting parents, and stood at the other end of the spectrum in silent support, holding a patient’s or loved one’s hand as they gently transitioned over and left it.
I have mothered while mourning.
Left what harmed me.
Returned to school at forty when reinvention felt both terrifying and necessary.
Raised children into kind, caring, empathetic, compassionate adults. Now I hold my grandchildren and witness legacy unfolding.
There is something greater that carries us when our legs cannot, when we want nothing more than to be curled up and hiding in a corner. There is FAITH — in whatever form speaks to your spirit. There is a quiet grace that meets us in hospital rooms, courtrooms, classrooms, gravesides, and kitchen tables at midnight. There is a light that does not extinguish — even when our world does, a light that flickers but does not disappear. I have felt that light return bright and stronger-and a reminder that even after devastation, peace is still possible to find. And in those years, I learned something quietly profound: That the human heart can break — and still remain capable of AMAZING LOVE, JOY and still find PEACE….acutally expand allowing more than you imagined possible…
Here, I reflect. Here, I share what I transmuted. There is the moment when pain begins to shape wisdom instead of fear. Here I share pieces of my story… where the pain becomes power. Where wounds become wisdom. Where the “I Am” within me grows louder than fear to step up, step out, be a presence, a voice, a witness to what can be achieved when you embrace Spirit, yourself, your shadow, and bring it forward into your light, self love, healing, forgiveness, release and acceptance …self worth…make a choice…a million tiny ones actually, everyday …choosing joy, (even when it feels impossible), choosing grace, choosing forgiveness, choosing LOVE…choosing to stand up that 8th time when you have fallen 7- FAITH, resilience- choosing to live a life that is full of joy.
I believe joy is not naïve.
It is chosen.
It is cultivated.
If you are healing… If you are awakening… If you are remembering who you are… You belong here….you are not alone- even in our darkest moments, we are not entirely alone, there is a thread that connects us.
but I have found there is no magic formula in healing. No quick fix. No shortcut through grief. I wish there was… Life doesn’t come without storms. This space is about walking through them — not around them…there IS ALCHEMY..and we all hold the key to our own healing
If you are grieving, rebuilding, questioning, or quietly rising — you are welcome here. I will share my stories, my thoughts and musings, my perspectives, hoping they resonate, inspire, encourage. To offer what helped me. To hold space with empathy… If my words feel like a steady hand or a soft hug when you need one, then this space is doing what it was meant to do.
This is Just Life. I am just a human BE-ing…authentic, genuine, heart led, soul fed …with the grace and love of Spirit…finding JOY in simple living… Where light returns, shining bright again—like a sun rising…you will smile again…I know because I AM
I am grateful you are here. Let the Journey begin…letting my light shine
Just Life With Denise 